What's Love Got to Do With It?
Published: Jan. 23, 2006
URBANA - "Why is Extension promoting healthy couple relationships anyway?" you might ask as University of Illinois family life educators plan to increase participation in the National Extension Relationships and Marriage Education Network.
Experts from Auburn University, Ohio State University, Michigan State University, and the University of Arkansas made a convincing case for Extension involvement when they shared results of their outreach efforts with Illinois family life specialists at a recent meeting in Urbana.
"Simply put, unhealthy marriages make children sick," said Auburn's Francesca Adler-Baeder. "When children are physically abused, it's often in the context of a poor couple relationship."
A couple's relationship problems often spill over into their parenting and into their child's adult relationships, the specialist said. And research shows that parent-child relationships are improved more by "couples education" than by "parent education."
"Research also shows that children have better school performance, fewer emotional problems, lower substance abuse, less delinquency, fewer teen pregnancies, and fewer health problems when their parents have healthy marriages," said Adler-Baeder.
"That's reason enough for U of I Extension to beef up its programming in this area," said Rachel Schwarzendruber, a family life educator in East Peoria. With colleague Judy Schumacher, she is heading an Extension task force on building healthy relationship skills.
"We'd like to develop a curriculum aimed at the full spectrum of healthy couple relationships," Schwarzendruber said. "We know that there are certain stressful times in a couple's life, such as when a new baby arrives or the kids leave home. When we're teaching classes targeted at these audiences, we are working to improve relationship skills too."
"One thing we'll stress is the importance of self-care and individual wellness," said U of I assistant professor and team leader Angela Wiley.
Adults in relationships should make a point of taking care of themselves to help lessen their risk for depression, unhealthy stress levels, physical illness, and economic hardship, Wiley said. Each of these can contribute to difficulties for couples.
When that occurs, a couple's problems will likely affect their community, she added. She noted that family conflict accounts for 30 percent of all sick time, and the amount of money lost by employers due to marital problems is approximately $6.8 billion a year.
Although 30 years ago, an Extension publication devoted a chapter to "How to Pick a Mate," today's youth receive little training in this area. And couples could use healthy relationship skills long before they marry, said Schwarzendruber. Statistics reveal that almost 10 percent of teen boys and girls report being victims of violence in their dating relationships.
In other states, programs geared specifically toward teenagers, many new mothers, received rave reviews from participants who sometimes didn't want to leave when the program was over.
"We've been to other programs that helped us with the baby--you know, childbirth, taking care of her--and that's great, but this is the first time we've gotten to talk about us and how we get along and how we can be strong together--and we know working on that is really good for the baby too," wrote one young mother in Mobile.
"I learned that you have to think about your relationship decisions, not just always go by your feelings. I feel stronger as a person," said another.
Schwarzendruber and Wiley believe we could use some of those "relationship smarts" in Illinois too.
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