Close Friendship Can Compensate for Poor Sibling Bond--and Vice Versa
Published: Feb. 7, 2006
URBANA - A positive relationship with a friend can buffer the effects of a poorly functioning sibling relationship, said University of Illinois researcher Nancy McElwain in a study published in December's Journal of Family Psychology.
"And the opposite is also true: A good relationship with a sibling can compensate for a child's difficulties with a friend," said the U of I assistant professor of human development.
When this buffering effect occurs, children exhibit fewer behavior problems, said McElwain.
The researcher recommends taking steps to expand a child's horizons if he or she seems to be having trouble in relationships. "A strong relationship in another setting can help the child learn important social and emotional skills," she said.
McElwain observed the behavior of 52 four-year-olds in separate sessions with a friend and with an older sibling. Each pair was observed during a free-play session and during a sharing task. In a separate measure, parents rated their child on a checklist of problem behaviors.
The observations were coded for the children's level of play, their ability to pick up and respond to social cues, and the level of conflict that occurred. The results were then compared to the parent-reported behavior problems.
The sharing task session, in which children were asked to share one attractive toy, presented a challenge for the young children's social and emotional skills, said McElwain.
If both sibling and friendship quality were low during the sharing task, children tended to have more aggressive behavior problems, McElwain said.
"But, if even one relationship was high in quality, the incidence of aggressive behavior was lower. This suggests that even one positive relationship with another child can have a positive influence," she noted.
The study also showed that the social and emotional skills children learn in friendships may differ from those they learn in relationships with older siblings.
"As you would expect, older siblings tended to dominate their younger siblings, whereas friends tended to have more equitable interactions. Friends also engaged in more complex social interaction, with high levels of 'pretend' play," she said.
McElwain suggests that parents promote the development of a close relationship with at least one friend or sibling. "Encourage frequent contact with another child, give the children time to engage in unstructured play, and let them attempt to resolve conflicts on their own," she said.
If conflict escalates, parents may need to provide guidance. "Preschool children often have difficulty managing their emotions, and parents can help children learn some basic coping techniques for dealing with anger and frustration," she said.
"Helping children label their emotions and encouraging them to think about what they can do to solve their problems gives them a greater sense of understanding and control," she continued.
Parents can also help improve children's social skills by encouraging them to practice such skills as perspective-taking, or trying to see things from the other child's point of view, she said.
The study was co-authored by Brenda L. Volling of the University of Michigan and funded by grants from the University of Michigan.
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