Children, like adults, occasionally lose or misplace money, just as they lose sweaters, gloves, and other things. If the lost money was intended for lunch or some other essential, you may have to replace it or have your child take a lunch from home. But if the money was intended for personal spending, the child should wait until more is accumulated, just as you would have to wait if you had lost yours.
Even though it is hard to turn down the pleas of an unhappy child, standing firm and not reimbursing your child will help him or her learn that the money is gone and there won't be any more until "payday." You can sympathize with your child, but explain that if you lost your money, the family would have to do without many things.
If your child loses money often, this indicates a carelessness that you will need to help correct. You can encourage your child to carry only as much as he or she is going to use. Together you can find a regular place to keep the money and a better way to carry it.
Often young children will hoard money because they see the coins and paper themselves as having value. Once children understand that money is a tool, this hoarding is likely to stop. Older children may hoard money simply because they have nothing to spend it on. If children do hoard, be sure they have opportunities for spending. Be available to assist them in pointing out alternatives and help them in the choice-making process.
Parents may expect their children to pay for school lunches out of allowances, only to find they have been spending the money on candy and toys instead. Parents need to make sure each child knows what the money is for and that the amount is adequate. Sometimes parents need to reduce the choices for a child until he or she becomes better able to make appropriate decisions. For example, a child who spends lunch money on something else could be made to give up some play or television time to prepare a sack lunch to take from home.
When the child breaks something, assess the situation--was it an accident or was it carelessness? If the broken item is outside the family--for example, a neighbor's window--give your child support, but also give him or her some of the responsibility for making restitution. If the child is old enough, let the child have the experience of making arrangements for the repairs. The child should pay part of the damage, depending on the size of his or her allowance or earnings. If the family pays part, have the child realize that the family will have to give up something to pay for the breakage.
Stealing money often is associated with a phase through which children go. If the child is less than six, he or she may not even realize that the money isn't his or hers. If the child has an allowance, parents should make sure it is enough to cover the child's needs. Parents also need to provide the child with interesting activities, so that stealing doesn't seem like an exciting alternative. Finally, stealing may be used to gain attention. Parents need to give acceptance, affection, and understanding to their children as positive reinforcement for desirable behavior.
Don't let stealing continue. Have children return stolen items. Many teens have no qualms about shoplifting from a store, even though they would never steal from a neighbor. Help them to learn that stealing is wrong, regardless of the situation.
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